The Lost Chapter from China: Why I Came Back Single
It is becoming more and more obvious to me that a silence I kept about my life, for healing reasons, has yet to be told to all of you. Just in the last few weeks, and twice today, I was asked "Hey, aren't you married now to that Chinese girl?" While I kept my blog somewhat up-to-date during my the changes in China to a new city called Shenyang (the home town of the Chinese girl) and teaching kindergarten at a Korean school, I was reluctant to write about the hurt and pain I had to heal from during that time. Just before coming back to America is when I realized that my calling to China came to an end...for now anyway. God had something planned back on the home front.
I can talk about this now, not only because people need to know so they are not confused or embarrassed when they see me, but because my life is full of joy once again from friends I hadn't been with for years and more so because God has been continuously graceful in showing me the type of partner I do need in my life to serve and minister by my side.
So yes, I wasn't very good at telling everyone the other end of the story of what happened to Julia and I after I went back to China in January....everything crashed and so did my spirit for China. Actually, the difficulties started when we came to America...for me and her. For me, I felt so tied down. I had to translate everything for her, even though I encouraged her in her English, trying to get her to be confident. There was only two times I left the house without her, and there wasn't much for us to do here in this town in Idaho.
Before that visit to Idaho, it had been over 1 1/2 years since I got to see friends, fellowship, sit down, joke with them, etc. I would invite her along, but she didn't understand the jokes, and of course it is hard to translate inside jokes, etc. On top of that, my parents are well off, her parents poor. My parents treated wonderfully, but she felt like she had nothing to offer back. That never bothered me, but it did her. It was then are arguments started, her wanting to leave America sooner than we planned, but we made it through the two months.
Once we were back in China, we went to her relative’s house to celebrate the Chinese New Year. She had this unrealistic assumption that I looked down on her family for not having much, which wasn't true. I had just as hard time understanding what they talked about, especially with their heavy Chinese accent. So I listened a little, ate, and thought about how I was to move to her city and start work.
So, out of my promise to her, I still moved to her hometown to take a kindergarten teaching job, but not much later we broke up, for all she would do would argue about everything.... if we didn't eat at a certain time, do this, do that, why didn't I have this job or that job. I was lonely without friends o emotional support, and she never allowed me to met any of her friends which I also thought was strange (arn issue of jealously, for she had this fear I would like her friends more than her). So it ended mutually, which in hindsight was a good thing. Yet then I found myself alone in a new city, teaching English at a Korean kindergarten which was not my idea of a good time (communication was so hard). It was a time of healing for me, and a time to realize that a good relationship that God had for me would come from the culture and people I am from, not those I'm trying to reach. A relationship He would pick for me when I least expected it.
However, I was honestly disgusted with the thought of going through another relationship...women seemed to not value me nor trust me, no matter how trustworthy God has made me to be. Korean, Chinese, even American women...I wondered if I could even find one that could walk by my side without jealousy or and with contentment. As far as I was concerned, God could take his time.
However, that isn't what was on the heart of those praying for me through all this (those who I had told the above story to). When they heard I was coming back to America and about how hard things were for me, they started praying that I would find someone who had a similar heart for ministry and someone I could relate to. They knew it was time in my life I had a helper, and that two truly is better than one, and to not be living a life where people come and go. My initial response was "fat chance, I've tried, but feel free to pray...only God knows who and when".
The next thing I know I'm back in Boise, something that really took time to get use to. I knew that where I could find fellowship was at the singles group I once belonged. The first night I went back, I was a little hesitant to go because I only knew one person who attended now, my friend Brian. But wait, I found I was wrong about that... there was one other person there that I knew, a sister I had met at Brian's house when Julia and I had visited him last Christmas; her name is Brandy. When I came to the group, she was the first to greet me with a smile I'll never forget, and she even remembered who I was and was glad I was back from China (who could forget the guy with the Chinese girlfriend?). Well, short story short, she and I started hanging out a lot together since we found we had a lot in common and since we were both in Brian's group of friends. She helped me get reconnected to the group, and we also started realizing how much we share in the things God has shown us through heartaches relationships not destined by Him.
Well, the rest of the story since being back is pretty much told out on her and my blogs (http://richmahn.spaces.live.com). We are seeking where God is leading what has already become more than a friendship in wonderful ways, seeking what He desires and where we can serve together. Another chapter in my life comes to a close, and another begins. Thank you for your prayers and I hope to hear about your adventures in life.
With gratefulness of heart,
Rich
I can talk about this now, not only because people need to know so they are not confused or embarrassed when they see me, but because my life is full of joy once again from friends I hadn't been with for years and more so because God has been continuously graceful in showing me the type of partner I do need in my life to serve and minister by my side.
So yes, I wasn't very good at telling everyone the other end of the story of what happened to Julia and I after I went back to China in January....everything crashed and so did my spirit for China. Actually, the difficulties started when we came to America...for me and her. For me, I felt so tied down. I had to translate everything for her, even though I encouraged her in her English, trying to get her to be confident. There was only two times I left the house without her, and there wasn't much for us to do here in this town in Idaho.
Before that visit to Idaho, it had been over 1 1/2 years since I got to see friends, fellowship, sit down, joke with them, etc. I would invite her along, but she didn't understand the jokes, and of course it is hard to translate inside jokes, etc. On top of that, my parents are well off, her parents poor. My parents treated wonderfully, but she felt like she had nothing to offer back. That never bothered me, but it did her. It was then are arguments started, her wanting to leave America sooner than we planned, but we made it through the two months.
Once we were back in China, we went to her relative’s house to celebrate the Chinese New Year. She had this unrealistic assumption that I looked down on her family for not having much, which wasn't true. I had just as hard time understanding what they talked about, especially with their heavy Chinese accent. So I listened a little, ate, and thought about how I was to move to her city and start work.
So, out of my promise to her, I still moved to her hometown to take a kindergarten teaching job, but not much later we broke up, for all she would do would argue about everything.... if we didn't eat at a certain time, do this, do that, why didn't I have this job or that job. I was lonely without friends o emotional support, and she never allowed me to met any of her friends which I also thought was strange (arn issue of jealously, for she had this fear I would like her friends more than her). So it ended mutually, which in hindsight was a good thing. Yet then I found myself alone in a new city, teaching English at a Korean kindergarten which was not my idea of a good time (communication was so hard). It was a time of healing for me, and a time to realize that a good relationship that God had for me would come from the culture and people I am from, not those I'm trying to reach. A relationship He would pick for me when I least expected it.
However, I was honestly disgusted with the thought of going through another relationship...women seemed to not value me nor trust me, no matter how trustworthy God has made me to be. Korean, Chinese, even American women...I wondered if I could even find one that could walk by my side without jealousy or and with contentment. As far as I was concerned, God could take his time.
However, that isn't what was on the heart of those praying for me through all this (those who I had told the above story to). When they heard I was coming back to America and about how hard things were for me, they started praying that I would find someone who had a similar heart for ministry and someone I could relate to. They knew it was time in my life I had a helper, and that two truly is better than one, and to not be living a life where people come and go. My initial response was "fat chance, I've tried, but feel free to pray...only God knows who and when".
The next thing I know I'm back in Boise, something that really took time to get use to. I knew that where I could find fellowship was at the singles group I once belonged. The first night I went back, I was a little hesitant to go because I only knew one person who attended now, my friend Brian. But wait, I found I was wrong about that... there was one other person there that I knew, a sister I had met at Brian's house when Julia and I had visited him last Christmas; her name is Brandy. When I came to the group, she was the first to greet me with a smile I'll never forget, and she even remembered who I was and was glad I was back from China (who could forget the guy with the Chinese girlfriend?). Well, short story short, she and I started hanging out a lot together since we found we had a lot in common and since we were both in Brian's group of friends. She helped me get reconnected to the group, and we also started realizing how much we share in the things God has shown us through heartaches relationships not destined by Him.
Well, the rest of the story since being back is pretty much told out on her and my blogs (http://richmahn.spaces.live.com). We are seeking where God is leading what has already become more than a friendship in wonderful ways, seeking what He desires and where we can serve together. Another chapter in my life comes to a close, and another begins. Thank you for your prayers and I hope to hear about your adventures in life.
With gratefulness of heart,
Rich
